Fans are lumps. The modern fan is a drag. It’s one of the most utilitarian decorative fixtures in any home. It rivals the switch plate for blatant obscurity. They make electric sockets look like Tiki gods from Bora Bora. It spins, you enjoy the breeze, and you get on with your day. When it gets too cold, you yank the chain and the propeller stops like a whisper.
Who thinks twice about a fan? It’s like grass watching or paint races: no one even blinks about how boring it is. It just hangs there like a lump. Yank the chain and it turns on again. When was the last time you stopped and gave the fan the once-over? She’s no beauty, so why bother.
A simple idea that can’t get any simpler — that’s a fan for you. It’s four blades bolted to a brass hub that’s bolted to a motor that’s bolted to a chassis that’s screwed to the ceiling. You strap four six-foot steel blades to a 350-horsepower engine and it’ll take you to 15,000 feet.
So who cares, you say? Your average fan tells you not to care. It tells you to glance, make sure it’s on or off, then look away and get on with your day. Beat it, pal. But that’s just the boring party line. What you need to do is listen to the buzz coming from the underground — the fan underground.
What you need is a glimpse of a crimson steel bolted fan that looks more like the nose cone of a Spitfire plowing through your ceiling and jazzing up your joint. What you need is the cool word from the hot shop. You need a modern fan company that can jack you into the mainframe, show you what a fan can be. No more snooze-a-thons.
Forget the lumps. You just haven’t found the right modern fan company — or the right lady, for that matter. Chin up. Hey, check out that fan, daddy-o.
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